Flip or Flop
“Chris, could you put your flip flops in the closet.”
“What?”
“Could you put your flip flops in the closet?”
“Oh, do they smell that bad?”
“No, they don’t smell. I never said that!”
“Uh, o.k. Then why do you want them in the closet?”
“Could you just put them in the closet, please!”
“Why? Your stuff is all over the cabin too.”
“Could you just...!!”
“Tell me why!”
“Could you just!!”
“No! Tell me why!”
“Could...just...because I’m afraid of them!”
“You’re what?”
“I’m afraid of them, o.k.?”
“You’re afraid of my flip flops?”
“Yes, well, not both of them, just the flip.”
“What?”
“I’m not afraid of the flop, just the flip.”
“Have you gone insane?”
“JUST PUT THE FLIP FLOPS IN THE CLOSET!!!”
“O.K., o.k.! ... Happy?”
“Could you also prop the chair up against the doors?”
“What?”
“Just put the chair up against the doors.”
“Why?!”
“So they won’t get out!”
“My flip flops?”
“Yes.”
“Get out?”
“Yes.”
“By themselves?”
“Yes.”
“My god, you’ve gone insane. I’ve heard of cabin fever before, but I only thought it occurred in remote arctic cabins, not on a fantastic beach in Thailand.”
“You’ll thank me later.”
“For what?”
“For saving you.”
“From my flip flops?”
“Yes, well the flip anyway. I think the flop is probably harmless.”
“How can you tell them apart?”
“One flips, the other flops.”
“Which one flips, the right or the left?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Then why are you afraid of the flip, and not the flop?”
“Because I haven’t heard the flop move around at night.”
“But you’ve heard the flip move around at night?”
“Yes.”
“By itself?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know you weren’t dreaming?”
“Because I pinched myself.”
“So?”
“And it hurt.”
“So? Maybe you pinched yourself in the dream.”
“No, you can’t.”
“What? Why?”
“You just can’t. It’s like keeping your eyes open when you sneeze, it can’t be done. If you even think about pinching yourself, you’re obviously awake.”
“What? I’ve never heard that.”
“It’s true.”
“Well, o.k., what if I was sleepwalking, and only put the flip on.”
“You weren’t.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you were snoring, so I could tell where you were.”
“What if... I can’t even believe I’m trying to argue with you. You’re insane!”
“We’ll see.”
“What do you mean, we’ll see?”
“I’m going to leave a trap tonight.”
“For my flip flops?”
“Yes.”
“I thought we shut them in the closet.”
“Oh, that won’t stop them.”
“What? I even wedged the chair up against the doors.”
“Don’t be a fool Chris! I only had you do that to slow them down.”
“Slow them down?”
“Yes.”
“So, what do you think they’ll try to do?”
“It’s hard to tell.”
“What kind of things do flip flops normally do?”
“I’m not an idiot Chris! I know that flip flops are normally inanimate.”
“But these aren’t?”
“I think the flip might be possessed by a demon.”
“A demon?”
“Yes.”
“Possessing my flip flops?”
“Just the flip. Let’s leave the flop out of this. It could be a completely innocent piece of footwear.”
“Of course. It should always be innocent until proven guilty when it comes to footwear.”
“Yes. That’s why I’m going to put down a trap tonight.”
“To catch it red footed?”
“Exactly.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to...”
“What?”
“Shhh!”
“Oh, sorry. What?”
“After we turn out the lights, I’m going to spread a thin layer of flour around the floor, so that if the flip comes out again, we’ll see its footprints.”
“Incredible.”
“Thank you.”
“I wasn’t really using the word incredible as a compliment there.”
“Just you wait.”
* * *
“Chris! Chris!”
“Scallops!”
“What?”
“What?”
“Wake up!”
“What?”
“Chris! Wake up!”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“Look!”
“Look at what?”
“Flip prints!”
“Oh my god, can’t you let that drop?”
“Look! The flip prints are in the flour!”
“You did this didn’t you?”
“How would I have done it? There is only one set of prints.”
“I don’t know but...”
“Come on! The flip prints lead from the closet out the front door.”
“You go after it then.”
“By myself?!”
“I’m sure you can take it.”
“Come on!!!”
“If this is a joke, it had better have a great punch line.”
“Come on! There’s flip prints in the sand outside.”
“Maybe it just wanted to go home.”
“No, look. They stop under that bush.”
“Excellent. Mystery solved.”
“Come on, let’s go see.”
“Without weapons?”
“Good point. What kind of weapons do we have?”
“I think there’s a ladle back in the cabin.”
“Go get it!”
“I was being sarcastic.”
“I’m not! Go... No wait, there’s no time. Look!”
“Look at what?”
“It’s shaking.”
“What?”
“The flip! It’s shaking. It looks like it’s afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“I don’t... Wait a minute! Where’s the flop?!”
“Isn’t it back in the closet?”
“Look out Chris! Behind you!!”
“Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”
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